Posts tagged acceptance

Inherent discontent.

Many suffer from this common affliction; one that I’ve dubbed “inherent discontent”.  It’s rampant, actually.  It probably exists somewhere on the pandemic level, not that I have any scientific support for such claims.  I simply see it everywhere.

Inherent discontent is when no matter the state of external events, there is always something to judge and criticize.  I think it may stem from internal unease that manifests as negative feelings.  Our brains want to make sense of this unease, and so we look externally for reasons to justify our sadness, anger or anxiety.  It’s usually, of course, the fault of those close around us, friends, family or co-workers.  And it is expressed through harsh and critical statements, dirty looks and sometimes just a stewing silence. 

Through greater awareness of our feelings and inner state, it becomes easier to recognize whether we are reacting from a place of inherent discontent or whether ours is a fair reaction to an external situation.  Yoga, meditation and self-contemplation are valuable tools to increase our awareness, as well as settle and calm internal unease.  Negative feelings will still arise, but we recognize them without having to react with such fervor and animosity. 

I suffered from inherent discontent for many years, and I still come down with a minor case every now and then.  You’ll recognize it when you want to ream your loved ones (or complete strangers) for common actions that you would do “right” or “better” or perhaps for making (gasp) a simple mistake.  The cure is just a good dose of ordinary tools like yoga, deep breathing, prayer or meditation and a whole lotta love and acceptance. 

Reflecting on my reflection.

“It is easier to see yourself in others than within yourself.”

I wrote this down one day when I was running errands, but I am absolutely certain that this is not a unique statement or idea.  Afterall, the analogies and metaphors of reflection in yoga are abundant.  The mirror of self, the still and clear reflective body of water, our reflections of self in our relationships are but a few examples. And of course, this concept is not unique to yoga; it also exists in various forms in Western psychology.

So, as I enter a new year of living, I’ve been reflecting a lot, and I often wonder how accurate is the picture I see of myself and others?  I definitely recognize moments when I am gazing through a critical filter that highlights perceived negative qualities of myself and others.  I know that I can enter a mind space that devalues myself way beyond any reasonable assessment.  Clearly, the water has become muddied with my mind’s movement and I no longer have the ability to see a clear reflection of myself or those around me.

I’ve also observed our tendency to most often notice the qualities in others that are similar to ourselves, even if we don’t recognize them as such at the time.  Have you ever been accused of doing something or being a certain way that the accuser also had a common history of doing?  Or, have you ever disliked qualities in another that you later observed in yourself?  I have, on both counts. And I’ve seen it happen to others around me all the time. 

So, what’s the lesson here?  Are we just walking through a fun house full of our reflections and the game is to try and find which one’s real?  Is there truly a “real” reflection that we are capable of seeing? 

I think one lesson is that things are not always what they appear to be, just like those fun house reflections that aren’t really your friend.  We can be quick to assign judgment and criticism to others that can just as easily be applied to ourselves.  And sometimes, what we think we see in our self simply doesn’t exist.  So, let’s all be a little more hesitant to assign criticism and judgment. 

Also, there is most definitely a “real” reflection that we are capable of witnessing, but it is not just seen through the eyes and the mind.  It must also be felt in the heart.

Peace, Joy and Fulfillment

I just watched the movie Revolutionary Road, and it paints a very pessimistic view of suburban family life and the lack of meaning and fulfillment it provides.  If they only lived somewhere else or had a different job, their life would have meaning and fulfillment. Perhaps that may be true, but irrespective of that detail, the biggest fundamental mistake the characters make is to think that life’s meaning and fulfillment is found externally.  I happen to think they would have found the same problems and discontent wherever they went because the problem to be solved came from within.  It would still be there in the next city or at the next job.

I had a job a few years ago that made me absolutely miserable.  I mean, crying in bed because I didn’t want to go to work and face the day.  I would drive to work thinking “I hate it.  I hate it.  I hate it.”  It’s no surprise I’d have a miserable day, right?  After a year, things started to get a bit better.  Nothing actually changed, though, except my attitude and acceptance.  I recognized what mattered most to me, and that I already had it in my personal relationships, health and general life comfort.  I chose to make the most of every moment, to focus on my own actions and to not fixate on the negative. 

My yoga practice and the book A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle, assisted me tremendously in making this mind shift.  It didn’t happen over night, but it did happen out of necessity.  Peace, joy and fulfillment are not things we can only find all alone or on a retreat in a foreign land.  They do not only exist when all external conditions are perfected and aligned.  They can be found in the midst of a horrid hip opener or a terrible work environment.  They can be found right now from within.